Beginnings

I remember when we first met. We were young and in love. Nothing could stop us. We were going to conquer the world. (With no money, no sense, and no clear direction.) But we knew exactly what we were doing. That's the beauty of being young. You don't have to know anything to know everything. If only life could stay that way. It was so much easier then. We would talk for hours on my front porch. We would go to the park in the fall and just walk. There were no worries. We would sit on the couch and he would just hold me. We didn't need words in those moments. It was so pure. So innocent. So perfect. I'd give anything to have those moments back. But at the same time, I wouldn't trade most of what we have today to get them. I know. That makes no sense. But then that's life, isn't it? No sense. Just when you think you have it all figured out, here it comes...and you realize how little you know. We can look back on those times and laugh. We can look back on those times with fondness. Sometimes, I cling to those times as my only glimpse of what might can be again. My only hope. My only dream of a future. How warped that my hope of a future lies in my memories of the past? When your todays are bad, you take what you can get. Sometimes, that means looking toward yesteryear to find your smile. I had my "rules". I would date for at least one year before I'd ever say yes to a marriage proposal. (Broken.) I would be engaged for at least a year before we got married. (Broken.) We would be married for 3-5 years before we started having kids. (Broken.) Instead, we had 3 kids in 5 years of marriage. I would always have a perfect house with perfect kids and I would be perfectly organized. (Broken. Broken. Broken.) And my favorite rule? I would have a fantastic marriage without any problems. (I didn't even go for perfect here!) (Broken!) Figures. That had been the story of my life thus far. I had grown up in a broken home, with broken parents, and a broken life. I should have known it wouldn't all get better when I "grew up". Still, I have hope. I have hope of a future and promise for a better tomorrow. Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." I hang on to that when I can't look at today.