Today

(I wrote this on October 7, 2007 and published it privately on my public blog for him only. A part of me hoped that if he read this he would hear my heart and stop. Little did I know the worst was yet to come.) Drowning in tears Covering my head Will I awaken? I'm already dead So tired, alone Can't do this again Heart hurts so bad Can't stop the pain I want better for my girls I don't want my son to be this way How do I stop the cycle? How do I end the pain? I have to stop now Typing...eyes might see.. Can't do...must stop So frustrated...want to scream Want to cry...want to break down Will I make it through the night? I'm being dramatic he'd say My heart is crying...he doesn't hear the pain